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why have i been so afraid for so long? my god. this is the year of change. i can feel it in my bones.
all this is thanks to the past year. this past year has been so incredibly good for me.
it bums me out if i focus on what could have been. what could have happened if i lit that fire under my ass 5, 4, 3..2 years ago.
but i can't focus on that.
in order to not focus on that i focus on the wonderful things that have happened the past 5 years(although, really there aren't very many at all)that wouldn't be in existance today if i had started with all this sooner. and i love those wonderful things in my life that have happened...because although they aren't many, they're huge things and major parts of the person i am now..and, damn it. i love meeeeeee. most of the time anyways. ha...
the thing that sucks is that once i'm done with these few things that will greatly start to advance my current situation, the sense of pride won't really be there. cause they're thingsi should've have done a long time ago.
i'll have my own little private celebration though...and maybe also with the few people that understand the major fucked upness that has been my life.
boopidy boop.
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last monday was spent at barley house. what a fun night. well, for the most part. it wasn't without its moments. boy, were those some moments.
the whole band was there(muah, rusbel, andres, alex..) as well as chelsea, adam, danny, and mark.
romp almighty played a set then we played a few songs then romp almighty went back on. i love them. such great music to dance to. oh, and i did. i danced the hell outta of those songs. okay, not danced. cause, you know...me dancing...HA. i did my version of dancing lol
i love laura harrell. she's awesome.
after all the musical funness we packed up our stuff. everyone was ready to go home except for me, danny and mark. so the three of us headed to IHOP.
i can't remember doing anything the rest of the week. um. yeah, i'm not sure.
friday. movie rentage- saw v and nick and norah's infinite playlist with blake. saw v, um...stupid. nick and norah was actually pretty funny and cute.
saturday. chill time and general tv watching with blake.
sunday. hung out with chelsea. oh my god. we went to this fancy wal-mart. it was pretty kickass...it frightened me a little. it was a bit too fancy....for wal-mart. we rented sisterhood of the traveling pants 2.gah. lame-o. the first one was so cute why did the second one have to be so freakin ridiculously retarded?! -sigh-
went home early yesterday morning. ran some errands with my mom. got home, stayed awake for a bit then paaaaaasssssed out. rosana gave me a call and told me she was leaving her job for a better one...her old job is ready to be taken *crosses fingers* i'm starting to get behind on my bills. i need something, ANYTHING to work out.
blake came over for some more hang out time last night. i love spending time with that boy. happiness.
now today. well i'm not sure about today. i'm still trying to figure that out. maybe going to pedros restaurant to watch the band play. rusbel is going to go hang out with andres in about in hour and invited me along..i dooonn't know...
-lays in bed and thinks about it some more-